Is there sex after kids?

Researched and written by Marianne Curtis

Many people do not realize the importance of maintaining a healthy physical, emotional and sexual relationship with their partner after they become married with children. Couples worldwide need to spend more time rekindling relationships that have fallen to the wayside as a result of the replacement of midnight romps with soothing nightmares and playing tooth fairy. While sex is not the most important part of a relationship, Canadians tend to forget that sexual intimacy plays a significant role in their lives, especially after they become parents. Men and women need to remember that being married with children does not mean that they can no longer be each other’s lovers and play dates.

It is very important that couples continue to work on their relationship with their partner after they become parents. Many new parents become caught up in the excitement of having children and they tend to put the needs of the adults last. When children arrive couples tend to gravitate towards the new arrival and forget about each other’s needs. The things that couples once enjoyed together are quickly replaced by activities enjoyed by the children.

Unless a relationship with one’s partner has been fostered over the years, the marriage is often doomed. Couples are not told that while their children will wait while they build their marriage, the marriage will not wait until the children grow up.[1] One day, one’s offspring will grow up and move on. Many couples that divorce after twenty-five years of marriage say that it was because they did not maintain that relationship with their partner. After over two decades of living together, yet separate, couples are often left grasping for memories of what brought them together in the first place. To prevent this from occurring, couples need to spend more quality time together and stop taking each other for granted. It is never too late to rekindle the lost flame by beginning a love affair with one’s mate.

Having a healthy sex life is not only good for mom and dad but it is also beneficial for the children. When couples have a healthy sexual relationship, it shows their children and families that their chosen life mate is the most important person in their life. It also teaches children appropriate ways to maintain relationships, which they will hopefully take with them into their own relationships later on in life. One of the greatest things that parents can give their children is a strong loving relationship between each other.

It is very important that children see the love their parents share, from all aspects. When the kids see that their parents are working on their relationship, it puts more emphasis on the importance of those relationships. It shows children that a marriage is just as important as playing sports and hanging out with friends. (Billingham)

Couples that maintain a healthy love affair with their partner tend to make better parents. They are more sensitive to their children’s needs because they are less likely to be walking on eggshells due to pent up sexual frustration. If one partner is constantly rejecting the other, anxiety manifests itself in negative behavior towards the children, often to the unawareness of the parents. By remaining a vital sexual being one can be assured that they will be a more sensitive, understanding parent. (Belsky)

Couples who maintain a healthy physical relationship with each other tend to live longer and lead happier, healthier lives. University professor Robert Billingham, from Indiana ‘s University Bloomington believes that sexy young people make for sexy old people. “Sex can make life and the relationship more pleasant. Couples who can sustain an active sex life tend to live longer and tend to be happier.”[2]

Having an active sex life is a healthy and necessary part of life and a relationship, even once parenthood begins. A vast array of healthy physical and psychological effects on the body are seen on couples that engage in regular intercourse. These effects have been seen as to significantly improve both parents’ lives.

Men reported to have frequent orgasms have a death rate of 50% less then men that do not have frequent orgasms.[3] Having sex three or more times a week has been proven to reduce the risk of heart attack or stroke by half. Sex is also good cardiovascular exercise equivalent to running fifteen minutes on a treadmill. An improved sense of smell, reduced depression, pain relief, a higher immune system, better bladder control, better teeth, and a happy prostrate are all things that have been accredited to maintaining a healthy sex life, no matter what age a person is.

Keeping the passion alive after becoming parents is a great stress reliever. People who have more sex report that they feel more at ease, happier and have learned to better handle the every day stress in their lives. This in turn helps boost self esteem, and overall wellness in each partner.

Therefore, it is very important for a couple to maintain a healthy physical and sexual relationship with each other once they become parents. It is important because once one’s children grow up and move on, mom and dad are back where they began – a couple. When a couple is active sexually, it shows that they have a healthy communication style that will benefit them as they parent. It also teaches their children the importance of their marital relationship, which they will carry on to their own lives.

Furthermore, maintaining a strong sexual relationship with ones spouse throughout the parenting years will ensure that both parents will live a longer, healthier life. With the many health benefits attributed to frequent sex, it is clear to see that it is important for men and women to continue to placing their relationship with each other at the top of their daily to-do–list.

Bibliography

Arp D and C.  Sex after kids? Website 

Retrieved from www.christianitytoday.com on April 26, 2005

 Belsky J. Transition to Parenthood: How a first child changes a marriage. Website

Retrieved from www.todaysparent.com on April 26, 2005

Billingham R. Active Sex Life Means Longer Life. Website

Retrieved from www.seniorjournal.com on May 10, 2005

 Dating Matchmakers. Benefits of Lovemaking. Website

Retrieved from www.datingmatchmakers.com on May 10, 2005

Duerksen C. Love and Sex after Children: How to keep the flame alive.

Website. Retrieved from http://health.discovery.com on April 26, 2005

 Farnham A. Is Sex Necessary? Website Retrieved from www.forbes.com on May 10, 2005

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